Not that I’m trying to brag (read: yes I am), but I make a grubbin’ chili.  The sauce is nice and thick, the bite-sized chunks of meat are tender and juicy, and the seasonings are seriously on point.  Sprinkle just a bit of cheese on top of this stuff and it is euphoria in your mouth.

Picture of a bowl of chili.

But I have a confession to make.  My chili wasn’t always so grubbin’.  In fact … it took a while before my chili recipe went from average to awesome.

So, as I’m sure you’ve already guessed … today I’m going to take you through how the strategies I used to perfect my chili recipe can also help you to have better sex.

Tasty Success Strategy #1: I started with a kind of food I already knew I liked.
Growing up, chili was a staple food in my household.  Although normally I just bought it in the can, a change in my diet nixed beans and I had to start cooking chili myself if I wanted its comforting, delicious goodness.

When my first chili-making attempt fell flat, the desire for good chili that fit into my new nutrition plan kept me going.  If I had chosen a completely new food, I may have abandoned the effort completely.  Choosing a food I already liked helped me to persevere.

Which brings me to:

Tasty Success Strategy #2: Re-creating Success And Trying Out New Strategies
Since my first attempt, I have probably cooked up about 35 batches of chili.  Each time I cook up a new batch, I focus on two things:

1) Re-creating what worked from previous batches.
2) Trying out new strategies for what didn’t work in previous batches.

As an example.  My first few batches of chili left me fiending for meat that felt more tender in my mouth (that’s what she said).  I had been told that cooking the chili on low for about 30 minutes would take care of that.  It didn’t.  So, one day, I decided to extend that time to 1 hour and it totally worked!  Now, I let every batch of chili simmer for at least 1 hour before cooking the sauce down.  The meat feels amazing in my mouth now!

Tasty Success Strategy #3: Taking advice from ‘experts’.
When I first made the recipe, I attempted to mimic a chili recipe originally made for me by my ex partner (who was a damn good cook).  When I shopped for the chili fixings the first round, I actually had that guy on the phone for moral support.

At some point in perfecting my chili recipe, I also happened to discuss award-winning chili with a chef with whom I used to work.  He took me through this really great story about a chili-cook off he had lost because of the winner’s secret ingredient.  That ingredient?  Dark chocolate.  Which is now a not-so-secret part of my delicious chili recipe.

Experts helped to get me started and to make additions to my chili that put it over the top in terms of tastiness.

Tasty Success Strategy #4: My Own Personal Flair
Even though I started with a recipe from an ex-partner, and combined it with the advice of a great chef … there are still lots of elements that make my chili unique to me.

For example: Even though the original recipe only calls for onions, I like to throw a bell pepper in there too.  Although I’m sure there are ways to measure how much seasoning to use, I have a special eye-ball method that I use to season the chili.  When making my signature chili, I only use chicken stock that I make myself as the base for the sauce (because it just tastes better than using store-bought chicken stock).

Now that you’re probably pretty hungry, I’m going to add horny to the mix!  (You’re welcome!)  Time to make the connection between perfecting a recipe and having great sex!

Action Steps for Great Action

#1 Choose 1 Sexual Activity To Improve That You Already Know You Like
Maybe this activity is one that is already good, but you want to catapult it to great.  Maybe this activity is one that you tried and kind of liked, but it fell flat the first few times you tried it.  Basically, choose a sexual activity that you’ve been motivated to do more than once and that you know works for you (even if it doesn’t completely work yet).

Just like I was successful in perfecting a chili recipe because my love for chili motivated me to keep cooking it, choosing an activity you already like is going to make it easier for you to keep trying it out.

#2 Re-Create Success, and Try Out New Strategies
The road to the best chili ever was not without trials.  But continuing to do what worked while trying out new strategies for the stuff that didn’t work was clutch in my chili perfection.  After you’ve chosen 1 sexy activity to catapult to chili-like perfection, make sure you pay attention to what’s totally working, and then get creative and come up with new strategies for what isn’t!

#3 Consult the “experts.”
When I say experts, I simply mean someone who you think might have some good knowledge when it comes to the sexual activity you’ve chosen.  When it came to my chili recipe, my experts happened to be my ex-partner and a chef that I worked with.

When it comes to your sex life, ex-partners and co-workers could totally work!  But if you’re thinking that route is whack, here are some other suggestions on experts you could consult.

1) Your partner (Because … well … duh).
2) The Internet (Go with a someone that you trust and whose advice makes sense to you).
3) A Book (yes, they still make these).
4) A friend or acquaintance who you think might have some good knowledge about the activity you’ve chosen.

#4 Add Your Own Personal Flair
When my co-worker, Chef, recommended dark chocolate, he didn’t say how much.  That was all on me.  When my ex-partner gave me the recipe, he didn’t say that I needed to use home-made chicken stock.  That was also all me.

I don’t know if you know this, but people’s experiences of sex are really personal. Use that expert advice, but remember that sex is about you, your partner, and the connection you have with one another.  Capitalize on your own personal flair during the sexual activity you picked, and it will make a difference.

Example for All 4 Action Steps
You choose penis vagina sex because you and your partner both agree that you totally dig it (#1).  You’ve been rocking penis vagina sex in missionary, but it just so happens that one of you has a left-facing curve in your penis.  You consult the internet (#3) for sexual positions that will help you capitalize on this curve (#4), and the next time you have sex, the partner with the vagina lays on their right side (#2).

You two agree that this was really hot, and capitalizing on that penis curve (#4) was well done.  However, the partner with the vagina got a little bored toward the end.  You try the ‘on-the-side’ position again (#2), but next time, the partner with the penis grabs one of the vagina’d partner’s legs and throw it over their shoulder (#2, #4).  That one move puts this particular version of penis vagina sex over the top and you two are stoked!  It gets added to the playbook of ‘good ways to get each other off.’


Whether you’re leaving this hungry, horny, or both; I hope that you have a great time perfecting some delicious sex recipes!

Keep Thinking!