I Want! Great Sex Fundamentals: Great Sex Means Building Physical, Mental, and Interpersonal Skills

Today, I’m going to start discussing the second fundamental I think you need to know to have great sex!

If you missed Great Sex Fundamental #1: Know the Sexual Body, you should check it out!

With that out of the way, here we go!

The other day, I was talking to some dear friends about married life.  These particular friends happen to have a strong belief in a system of waiting to have sex until marriage.  It’s a belief that they share with a good number of their close friends.

Over the course of our conversation, we got to talking about the sex lives of folks who were virgins when they married their partners.  My friend commented that many of his married buddies admitted that sex wasn’t really good until a year or more into their marriages.

Because of the whole marriage thing, I’m assuming these couples loved one another.  I’m also assuming they were over 18.

If they were in love, married, and of age, why did it take a whole year for sex to get good?

Great Sex Fundamental #2: Great Sex is a Skill

A skill is something that hinges upon learning.  Because these couples were waiting for the big “I Do,” before (lovingly) banging it out, they couldn’t really do a whole lot of hands-on learning about sex (pun intended).  That first year or so of sexing each other up wasn’t immediately great because the couples in question had a lot of learning to do.

That first year was spent building their sex skills.

Which brings me to the first principle related to this fundamental:

GSF 2.1: Great Sex Means Building Physical, Mental, and Interpersonal Skills.

Breakdown?  Breakdown.

Great Sex Means Building Physical Skills

I don’t know if you know this, but sex can be a pretty physical activity.  Although you might not be exerting as much physical effort as the most impressive NFL quarterback this season, great sex means figuring out how to move your body in ways that are just as specific.

And just like it takes time to learn how to throw a 93 yard bomb accurately into the end-zone , it can take time to learn how to use your body to create explosive sexual moments.

Being conscious of what your body is doing, what your partner’s body is doing, and how that works together is a big part of having great sex.

Great Sex Means Building Mental Skills 

Everyone has the potential to have great sex.  And great sex is only limited by what you’re physically capable of and by the mental skills that you have.

Look at the world around you.  Everything from the chair you’re sitting in to the car you drive to the bed you sleep in exists because someone took what they’ve dreamed up in their heads, looked at how to make that work in the real world, and made it happen.

To put it another way.

Even though having great sex is slightly different than building a room made of candy, my boy Willy Wonka makes a great point: imagination is clutch.  Just like it took imagination to envision a chocolate river, it takes imagination to envision great sex.

Once you’ve imagined great sex, you’re then going to need to build mental skills like innovation (new ways to get things done) and problem solving (how to deal with things standing in your way) to make that dream a reality.  The reality might play out a little differently than what you’ve imagined in your head, but it’s those skills that will get you as close as possible to the dream.

Great Sex Means Building Interpersonal Skills

This part is a little crazy, so sit down if you’re not already seated (or brace yourself if you’re reading from a standing workstation).

Sex happens between two (or more) people.*

As crazy and earthshattering as that news may be, it is nonetheless true.  Because it’s true, it means that great sex relies upon the ability to successfully interact with whomever it is you’re going to bang.

In order to successfully interact, you need some slammin’ interpersonal skills.  To make that word ‘interpersonal’ sounds less intense, it essentially means that you and your bang-buddy (or spouse or friend with benefits or whatever) need to figure out what works for you in terms of communicating about your sex life.  Building your interpersonal skills means figuring out the best ways to share and listen, the best ways to bring up new ideas, the best way to implement ideas, etc.

Just to Recap:

Great Sex Fundamental #2: Great Sex is a Skill

GSF 2.1: Great sex means building physical, mental and interpersonal skills.

So, what can you do to start your journey toward getting MVP in your sex life?

Action Steps for Great Action 

1. Pay attention to your body when sex is good.

You just had some great sex.  You’ve basked in your afterglow, and have come back down to earth.  Think about what you or your partner’s body was doing that made it so good.  Was it the position you were in?  Did your partner valprehend you in a certain way?

Once you’ve come to a conclusion, move on to #2

2.  Imagine a new way to incorporate that movement into sex.

I’m just going to hit you with an example:

Example: You’ve figured out that the movement that worked really well was holding your partner’s legs out in wide V while having penetrative sex.  Even though you kinda just stumbled on it the first time, the next time, you decide that you’re going to start off with your partner’s ankles on your shoulders.  When you’ve gotten into a good rhythm, you’re going to grab their ankles and transition to the V.

Once you’ve imagined the movement, move on to #3

3. Negotiate the best way to talk to your partner.

Tell your partner that you have an idea for something new that you want to try.  Ask them how they’d like to talk to you about it.  Do they want to not talk about it and have you just do it the next time you have sex?  Do they want you to e-mail them a synopsis and schedule a time to talk about it face-to-face?  Would they like to discuss over g-chat?  Skype meeting?  Hand-written letter?

Introduce the new idea based on what you figured out.

I hope that you’re stoked about building up your sex skills.  And remember, practice is also clutch in skill building, so…

Go Get Some!
-Becca

*I would like to acknowledge that sex can also happen solo.  But let’s be honest, this site is mostly about gaining the skills you need to have great partnered sex.

A picture of Aaron Rodgers

This guy in no way endorses this post.
Posted on December 13, 2011 .