Last Wednesday, I hashed out some perspective strategy creation for being a great kisser!!

Each Wednesday, my plan is to look at one sexual activity through my critical sex educator lens to help people strategize for sexual greatness.

Except for this Wednesday … and several Wednesdays to follow.   See, if I really want to help folks create some great strategy for great sex, I need to start by going over fundamentals.  If I expect you to consistently shoot 3 pointers, I need to discuss the basics of how to shoot the ball first.

So, before we resume our regularly scheduled programming, I’m going to dedicate Want!Will…Won’t. Wednesdays to talking about some knowledge I consider fundamental to creating strategy for consistently great sex.

Fundamental 1: Your Brain is Your Most POWERFUL Sex Organ

I don’t care if you’re a fella or a gal, young or old, queer or straight as a muthafuckin’ arrow.  Your brain runs the sexual show.  If your brain isn’t into whatever sexy-time scenario is going on, nothing else is going to work.  Your brain runs everything from your perceived desire for sex to making your dick or clit hard.  (Yes, clits get hard.  We’ll talk alllllll about it on another Wednesday.)

Although there are probably an endless number of scenarios where someone’s brain could be checked-out of a sexual situation, I’m going to give you three examples to demonstrate how powerful a brain can be.

Scenario 1: Stressed Out Brain
You’ve been working on a major project for school/work for weeks.  Tomorrow morning, bright and early, you are being called upon to share and defend this work.  It’s late and as you decide to pass out, your partner starts to snuggle up on you.  You can totally tell this is not a “goodnight” snuggle, but a “I want to bang it out” snuggle.  You figure a little stress release couldn’t hurt, but even when you try to have sex you just can’t get turned on.

Scenario 2: Substances On the Brain
You’ve started a new medication that is totally improving your life and overall health.  However, you’ve noticed that when you’re having sex, it’s doesn’t feel the same as it did before you got on the meds.  Sometimes, you just can’t get turned on.
Someone looking disgusted.
Scenario 3: Grossed Out Brain
You’re about to have sex with someone because you feel like you should.  I mean, they offered it up pretty easily, and you’re totally a playa playa, so it’s just what you were born to do.  However, you look down at this person and they are just not hot.  And their breath is kinda kickin’.  You just can’t get turned on.


 

How is it that these three different scenarios all lead to the same conclusion? 

I know you already know the answer.  It’s your brain!  In scenario 1, your brain is distracted by something else going on your life.  Your inability to get turned on isn’t because your partner isn’t adorable (they totally are), it’s because your brain just can’t allocate the resources away from thinking about your super important presentation.

In scenario two, the meds that you’re now taking are probably tweaking the way that your brain normally functions.  (Note: Not all meds do this, talk to your doc if you have concerns this might be happening to you.)

In scenario three, your brain isn’t getting the stimulus it requires to get turned on.  No matter how available the sex may be, your brain knows what gets it amped up and what doesn’t.  This person just isn’t doing it for you.

I’ll say it again: Your Brain is Your Most Powerful Sex Organ

If your brain is distracted, on certain substances, grossed out, or not sexually keyed-in for any other reason, everything that your body needs to do to get turned on isn’t going to happen.   You’re not going to get all breathy, your blood flow isn’t going to redirect to all the delicious nerve-ending rich areas of your body, your clit/dick is going to remain flaccid (that’s soft, btw), your vagina will remain bone dry, etc.

This is also true if you've already started having sex.

Scenario 4: Whoops, Your Mom Called Brain
You have a special ring tone for when your Moms gives you a cellular shout.  You are right in the middle of an epically great sex session, and all of a sudden, the phone rings.  The song immediately makes you think of your mom, and all the mojo you had a moment ago is gone.  And you’re no longer turned on.

Suggestions for Success

SmartHotFun.Com is all about helping you figure out how to make sex consistently great.  How can you use all this brain-related information to help you?  Here are some suggestions:

1. Try to Remove Distractions
Think about what normally distracts you and plan ahead of time to remove that distraction.  Silence your cell phone.  Close your window so you can’t hear your neighbor’s never ending reggaeton marathon.  Plan to have sex in a place that doesn’t remind you of working.   Doing what you can to help your brain stay in the sexual zone is going to be huge in terms of having consistently great sex.

2. Be Honest with Yourself
Whether you’re a lady or a fella, old or young, straight or gay as my BFF, sometimes sex just isn’t in the cards.  It’s okay to be honest with yourself when you’re just not feelin’ it.  Not being honest with yourself and trying to have sex anyway is a good way to add to your tally of mediocre or bad sexual experiences.  Having consistently great sex means knowing when to say “No” when your brain just isn’t into what’s going on.

3. Know Your Substances
Every substance you put into the body has an effect on brain functioning.  Too much alcohol, for example, is a surefire way to make it difficult for the brain to talk to the body.   It’s why drunk people have difficulty walking, talking, making good decisions, getting hard, and/or achieving orgasm.  Being aware of the how the substance you’re using affects your brain can help you to game-plan ways to counteract, work with, or completely avoid the substance’s sex related side-effects.

There you have it, one fundamental down!  Now that you know how the brain works during sex you can totally…

Go Get Some!
-Becca

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